Perfectionism
Psychological Support for Perfectionism in Adelaide & Online
Do you find yourself setting impossibly high standards for yourself? Do you worry about making mistakes, getting things wrong or being judged by others? Do you spend a lot of time overthinking, over-preparing or second-guessing yourself?
Many women I work with describe themselves as perfectionists.
From the outside, they often appear capable, organised and successful. They may be professionals, business owners, mothers, carers or leaders. Others may view them as highly competent.
Yet internally, they often feel like they are constantly falling short. No matter how much they achieve, it never quite feels like enough.
Signs Perfectionism May Be Affecting Your Life
You may recognise some of the following:
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Setting unrealistically high expectations for yourself
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Fear of making mistakes
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Difficulty starting tasks because you want to get them right
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Difficulty finishing tasks because they never feel good enough
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Overthinking decisions
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Procrastination
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Excessive self-criticism
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Difficulty accepting compliments
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Fear of failure or judgement
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Comparing yourself to others
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Feeling responsible for doing everything well
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Struggling to switch off or rest
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Feeling like your worth is tied to your achievements
Over time, perfectionism can contribute to anxiety, stress, burnout, low self-esteem and feelings of overwhelm.
Why Perfectionism Can Be So Exhausting
Many people assume perfectionism is simply about having high standards. Whilst high standards can be helpful, perfectionism often goes much deeper than this.
Perfectionism is frequently driven by a desire to avoid:
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Failure
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Criticism
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Rejection
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Disappointment
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Judgement
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Letting others down
For many women, perfectionism becomes a strategy for feeling safe, accepted or in control. Unfortunately, it often comes at a significant cost.
The Moving Goalposts
One metaphor I often use is that of moving goalposts. Imagine playing a game where every time you kick a goal, the goalposts are moved further away. You work hard. You achieve something meaningful. You reach a milestone.
For a brief moment, there may be satisfaction. Then the mind quickly says: "Yes, but..." "I should be doing more." "It could have been better." "What's next?"
The goalposts move again.
No achievement ever feels like enough because the standard keeps changing. Many perfectionists spend so much time chasing the next goal that they rarely stop to acknowledge how far they have already come.
The Myth of Perfection
One of the challenges with perfectionism is that it asks us to pursue something that doesn't actually exist.
When we look at nature, very little is perfect. Some of the most beautiful trees are twisted, weathered and shaped by years of storms, droughts and changing conditions. Their imperfections tell the story of their growth.
We don't look at those trees and think: "What a failure." We admire them for their strength, resilience and uniqueness.
Yet many women hold themselves to standards they would never expect from anyone else. They demand perfection from themselves whilst extending understanding and compassion to everyone around them.
Rethinking Failure
Perfectionists often see mistakes as evidence that something is wrong. That they should have known better, done better and been better.
However, growth rarely happens without mistakes.
Many of the experiences we initially label as failures later become some of our greatest teachers. When we begin viewing setbacks as opportunities to learn rather than evidence of inadequacy, we create more space for resilience, confidence and growth.
The goal is not to avoid mistakes altogether. The goal is to develop the confidence to keep moving forward when they happen.
How Therapy Can Help
My approach draws on evidence-based therapies including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Together, we may explore:
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Fear of failure
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Fear of judgement
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Self-criticism
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People-pleasing tendencies
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Anxiety and overthinking
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Procrastination
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Unrealistic expectations
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Self-worth and identity
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Developing self-compassion
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Clarifying values and priorities
One of the goals of therapy is not necessarily to lower your standards. Rather, it is learning the difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection.
Excellence allows room for learning, growth and being human. Perfection often leaves little room for any of these.
Progress Over Perfection
Many women discover that meaningful change begins when they stop waiting for things to be perfect. When they allow themselves to take action before they feel completely ready. When they learn to be kind to themselves during the process. When they recognise that their worth is not determined by their productivity, achievements or ability to get everything right.
Perfection is not required to live a meaningful and fulfilling life. Progress is enough.
Ready to take the next step?
If people-pleasing, guilt or difficulty setting boundaries is leavi ng you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted or disconnected from yourself, therapy can help.
Together, we can explore healthier ways of relating to yourself and others, so that your decisions are guided by your values rather than fear, guilt or the need for approval.
You are welcome to submit a New Client Enquiry to discuss whether psychological therapy near Glenelg or online may be a good fit for your needs.